Swimming across the Sea of Spam

I’ve been having some trouble squeezing out a new post. My inspiration has been  floating  in the toilet begging to be either resurrected or flushed. The external has been messing with the internal.

The heat: “I’m too hot to be creative”

The Squirrel from hell returned for the final stand-off. Huge, desperate,  belligerent and not leaving any time soon, I was forced to hire a mercenary to deal with the situation.

Last and most disturbing are my dealings with craigslist. Advertising for a roommate through this resource requires constant spam alert. Evil scammers and internet con artists lurk behind each message. I’ve developed my own internal, intuitive spam filter so it’s become rare that I respond to one of these but last week I failed. I gave out my address, phone number and email to one of these assholes of the universe. I felt like I got slimed and became paranoid about all the worst case scenarios.

For those of you that have not read my “About” page, this blog is supposed to be about traveling, making friends and TRUSTING IN STRANGERS” therefore it is rather contrary for me to be writing about this fear of craigslist roommate candidates. Sadly, where money is concerned there is a lot of twisted undermining trustworthy. On a positive note, nothing bad has happened from last weeks safety breach and now I feel more the expert advertiser. That’s right! Take off those dark sunglasses and look me in the eye for no one’s getting past my radar if not pure of heart and sane of mind!

As I hack my way through this weekly field of the false, there are a few sure fire red flags.  Firstly, if the person just spits out  the question “Is the room still available?” without a greeting, introduction or farewell, they are immediately disqualified for being impolite. If they ask questions about things that are clearly stated in the ad, they will never enter the fortress!

The most common scam  is the person that is dying to move in and send money from overseas without meeting in person. The profile is almost always a 28 year old woman and usually includes an oddly sexy picture, as if I’m looking for a date rather than roommate.  When someone includes the statement that they have never been convicted of a crime or incarcerated I have to wonder….

The final faux pas is the “good Christian” claim. I have nothing against Christians- you know, some of my best friends are… 🙂 but when they feel the need to advertise this fact,  selling themselves as wholesome, it reminds me of the guys asking for money  at traffic lights with signs that say “Homeless Veteran……God Bless!”  Will the real homeless veteran and good Christian please stand up?!

One more thing. My over all crabbiness has made me especially unpleasant  while driving a car. It’s true that evil toads have often sprung from my mouth when others drive how I perceive to be stupid. The truth is,  I just don’t like when anyone gets in my way. It’s a flaw. So yesterday, I decided to try something new. On the way to work, because I was so grateful to be working, I told myself I could not say anything bad about anyone, no matter what they did during this 4 mile journey. Instead of : fuck you, motherfucker , ass wipe, douche bag, jag bag etc. I said ” I love you. And I love YOU, and you too…” I even kind of sang it out loud. Sure, it was flavored with sarcasm but still, it made me smile and laugh at the sheer silliness of it all. I might have even declared my love for a real live craigslist scammer!


4 Responses to “Swimming across the Sea of Spam”

  1. 1 Olga June 22, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    This gave me some much needed laughter this morning!!!

  2. 4 Inga June 23, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    The photo is perfect! While reading my thoughts were ‘Oh, I love that statement…and that one…and that was even better’ So over all…I love this post!!! It made me giggle – Out Loud.

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